There will be millions of people all over the world cursing the Coronavirus right now for varying reasons, I know I am not the only one. I also know my struggles aren’t the hardest but today feels hard.
It’s actually a day that started off so well and perhaps I shouldn’t give up on it quite yet as it’s only 12pm but the last couple of hours have been rather brutal. We woke up late -7:20am while not ideal for my partner who likes to start work at 7:30am it was amazing to have a lie-in, the first since our 2 month old was born. We’d also had a pretty good night - my 2 month old woke at 2am, 4:30am & 6am and our toddler did not come running into our room in the middle of the night insisting one of us watch her fall back to sleep. This at the moment feels like winning!
So how did it all fall apart you may wonder, I’ve been wondering that myself. Somewhere between the juggling of the chores, my gorgeous little boy who does not like being put down, countless outfit changes and it all culminated in my toddler tripping over a toy in the playroom (one I’d told her to tidy up) hurting herself and her baby brother as she partially landed on him. So I found my arms full of baby and toddler both of them screaming their heads off and I wonder how do I do this? How do I settle them both, who do I settle first? Would this have happened if I wasn’t trying to squeeze in so many chores into the morning? When will I be able to have help again? I had already been feeling like that before the accident happened.
And there lies the crux of it, I miss my village! They say it takes a village to raise a child and whilst it’s probably not as apt a saying as it used to be it’s still very true that families and friends can be a great support network for any mum especially those with a newborn. When I went through the newborn stage with my eldest I had so so much help in the beginning family over that would help with chores, friends over that would bring food or anything that I needed from the shops, a pair of willing arms to hold my newborn enabling me to do something and giving me adult company to keep me sane! This time round I find myself in even more need of a hand or two to help and yet I have none other than my wonderful partner who is working from home and drops in whenever I really need a hand. Although that in itself though brings guilt because I know he needs to work to help build the business and that I just really need to get on with this.
Don’t get me wrong being a mum is tough and being a first-time mum is super tough, you’re exhausted, full of self-doubt and are learning on the job. I truly feel sorry for all first-time mums who have had to go through this newborn period and beyond during a pandemic. You’ve missed out on all the lovely experiences that come with it and most importantly the help!!! My own lovely sister is going through this time as a first time mum after waiting so long for a baby and I am truly gutted for her.
Why then do I say I need the help more this time because it’s truly how I currently feel and my circumstances are different. This time round I have a gorgeously funny toddler who dropped her naps way too early and who wants all of my attention all of the time and a wonderful little boy who has silent reflux and doesn’t like to be put down plus countless chores that seem to be piling up around me and to top it off I’ve spent almost a year secluded in the same house. It’s enough to make anyone feel like running for the hills! Obviously, I would never actually run but I can’t deny that there are days where I just want to scream and lock myself away in a room or run out of the door, jump into the car and just drive somewhere, anywhere.
I love my two little cubs more than anything or anyone else in the world and we have so many wonderful moments together but they’re also jumbled up with lots of hard moments and in this pandemic, on some days it’s hard to see the light through the trees.
It feels like groundhog day sometimes, we’re all climbing the walls and our emotions are heightened at the moment especially my two-year-old who doesn’t know yet how to handle these big emotions she is feeling. But then I try and remind myself that nothing worthwhile is easy and there is nothing more I want in the world but to be their Mummy. That being said I still want my village back, I really miss it and if I’m being honest I could really do with the help.
Be kind to yourselves fellow Mummies & Daddies, you’re doing great!
The Mumma Lion